


Be My Bad Boy

by dojimer



Category: No More Heroes (Video Games)
Genre: Attempted Murder, F/M, Not a Love Story, Online Dating, Sexual Content, Teasing, Travis is really horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dojimer/pseuds/dojimer
Summary: To his surprise, Travis matches with a smokin' hot blonde chick on Tinder. The date goes really well! Until it doesn't.AKA Bad Girl plots to kill Travis like one of those online dating horror stories you see on Investigation Discovery.
Relationships: Travis Touchdown/Bad Girl
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Be My Bad Boy

**1st Place: Travis**

Unfortunately **,** this wasn’t the UAA rankings. Travis and Shinobu had been playing a few rounds of Smash in his motel room. He considered it “training” for Shinobu to be able to work with just one hand. Shinobu thought he just liked having an opponent that he could easily beat.

“Ugh, you always win!” Shinobu threw down the controller.

“Y’know, you could try playing with characters other than Pikachu.”

“But he’s cute… Plus, I like annoying you with his Down B move,” Shinobu smiled mischievously. Just then, an alarm started ringing from her phone.

“Ahh. I better get home and get ready.” Shinobu stood from the couch and smoothed her skirt pleats.

Travis whipped around to look at her. “Get ready?” He felt his heart drop. He knew how much she had been training, but he still wasn’t sure she was ready for another ranking battle. As Travis began to compile reasons to protest, Shinobu sighed, breaking his train of thought.

“Relax. It’s not a ranking battle.”

“Oh.” He sighed with relief. Although he wouldn’t admit it, he’d grown quite fond of the samurai girl (in a totally non-pervy way, dammit). He’d hate to see anything bad happen to her before they get the chance to fight again. Did he really want to fight her to the death again? Nah, but he wasn’t going to tell _her_ that.

With a tilt of his head, Travis asked, “So, uh, what are you gettin’ ready for then?” 

For some reason, she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, she fiddled with her arm bandages. “I kinda... have a date.”

“Ohhhh, you lucky dog! What are you gettin’ all shy about? Afraid I’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t treat you right? Because I fucking will.”

“He... is a she. And don’t think I can’t handle things myself! If anything goes wrong, _I’ll_ kick her ass.”

Oh. That was an unexpected curveball. Although honestly, he couldn’t say he knew her well enough yet to suspect either way. But now he knew where her hesitance came from. It’s a big step coming out with that kind of stuff and he was glad she felt like he could trust him.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. Women are sexy as hell! Kinda wish I were in your shoes right now.... I haven’t been on a date in uhhhh... too long. Let’s just say that. Ha.”

Travis could swear he saw a blush on Shinobu’s cheeks as she stood in front of him, holding out her unsevered hand.

“Your phone. Give it.”

“Uhhh, okay. You’re not giving me one of your friend’s numbers, right? Because I think I’m a little too old and I’m not trying to look like a perv-“

“Shut up. Here.” Shinobu held the phone out to him, which Travis grabbed with an inquisitive look.

He looked at the pink flame on the screen. “Tinder?”

“It’s a dating app. You make a profile, then swipe right on the women you like. If you match, then you can message her. It’s real easy.”

Travis looked down at his phone dumbfoundedly. “Is this how kids are dating nowadays?? When I was a teen, we talked to each other in pers-“

“You didn’t talk to girls, Travis,” Shinobu huffed. Ouch. A ringtone chimed from her own phone. “Okay, I really gotta get going. Make your profile and text me how it goes later. See ya!” 

“Good luck, kid.”

——

A profile, huh? I guess I could start with a picture, Travis thought. Did he even have any good pics of himself? He dug through his camera roll. Suddenly, he was aware of how many pics of his junk that he’d taken. Who was he sending them to, you ask? Well, nobody. But there was nothing wrong with a little self-love, right? Right??

He sighed. Whatever, I’ll just take one now. He held his phone up and gave one of his cheesiest grins, complete with a dorky peace sign. After looking at the photo, he pondered. Should I take off my sunglasses? Nah, he reasoned. Women like a man with a little mystery. Now, onto the bio.

Huh. How to describe himself... Maybe he should put that his favorite anime is Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly. After all, it’s important that his future spouse support his anime passions. But maybe he’d leave that tidbit for the first date. It’s a great convo starter, he thought.

What about the whole assassin bit... He was pretty sure that’d scare away quite a few women. But it was his job and it was better to get it out of the way. Probably. Maybe. Maybe it’d backfire. Oh well. He kept it short and simple.

Otaku. Cat lover. #6 in the UAA, #1 in your heart. <3

Heh heh. He was pretty proud of that last line. Clever, he smirked.

Now that all that basic shit was done, he could get to the fun part. _Checking out women._ Usually, checking out women resulted in him being called a pig, getting slapped in the face, getting flung out of a moving vehicle. But now, he was actually allowed?? This was how he could score a date?? Pretty exciting shit.

However, he found himself slowly getting discouraged. 

“2 kids? Oh FUCK no.” Travis swiped left quickly. “Oh I went to school with her. She was a bitch.” Another left. “‘Looking for a third for me and my man.’ Huh.” Travis contemplated for approximately three seconds before swiping left, shaking his head. 

Was he a picky motherfucker or were the women in Santa Destroy more unpleasant than he remembered?

“Oh, nice tits.” He swiped right.

He spent the next hour mindlessly swiping through profiles, only half paying attention to the bios. His attention perked up, however, when he landed on an extraordinarily hot blonde. 

“Charlotte..,” Travis clicked his tongue. “What’s a woman like you doing in Santa Destroy?” Subconsciously, he bit his lip as he scrolled through her bio.

I can be your angel or your devil 😘💦

What a tease… Travis had a thing for fiery women. Hell, it’s why he put up with Sylvia the way he did. Bold women were exciting. And they could kick his ass when he deserved it, which was more often than he’d care to admit.

His eyes sauntered up to the woman’s cleavage one last time, encased in the frilly white trim of her low cut dress, before swiping right.

**You Are a Match!**

“Hahah, damn! Really?” Travis’ eyes shot wide in delight. Not that Travis thought he wasn’t a catch or anything, but he knew when a woman was out of his league. He was fairly certain Sylvia was, too, but he had only had the balls to buy her a drink because he had been absolutely hammered.

Just then, a notification bubble appeared at the top of the screen. _New Message: Charlotte_

 **Charlotte** : Hey cutie 😋

Damn, that was fast! 

“C-cutie?” Travis could feel his face flush. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been called cute. Probably by his grandmother, who was long dead now. He didn’t know how to respond. Stumbling over enough words, he finally typed a coherent reply.

 **Travis** : Me? Cute? Are you sure you aren’t looking in the mirror right now? 😎

He threw an emoji at the end to try to look cool and hip, going with the little sunglasses guy because Yeah! He wears sunglasses! He thought she’d appreciate his choice of emoji.

 **C** : ha ha. Flatter me some more, why don’t u? 😍

Anyways what are you up to??

 **T** : Anytime ;) I’m just petting my cat. Pretty boring day tbh. you? 

**C** : Oh I’ve got a pussy you can pet 😽

Woah! Damn, he wasn’t expecting that. Surely, she was just fucking with him, right? Before he could clarify, another message had popped up.

 **C** : I’m bored out of my fucking mind too. Let’s go get dinner!! I’ll make the reservation. Pick me up at 8? ☺️

Well this sure moved fast. Is this just how people date nowadays?? And reservations? What kind of high class place was she picking?? He pulled out his wallet and thumbed through the cash. He’d have enough if he didn’t preorder the Raspberry-chan figure he’d been eyeing. With a glance towards his collection, he sighed. “It’s okay, Strawberry-chan, you’ll have your sister soon enough.”

After confirming the date with Charlotte, he jumped in the shower. He set the water to cold in an attempt to clear a little issue that had… _sprung up_ after Charlotte’s petting comment. Yet he couldn’t stop from wondering. Was he gonna _get laid tonight?_

After his shower, Travis searched through his closet. What’s a good date outfit? Not the Love Tits shirt, as hilarious as it was. Probably best not to wear the one with his mugshot, either. He settled with a simple pink Harajaku shirt. Yeah, this looks nice and non-offensive. He then slipped on the least bloodied pair of jeans he could find. And of course, he went nowhere without his signature yellow shades.

The next fifteen minutes went to meticulously gelling his hair and plucking his brows. This shape didn’t grow naturally, you know. Afterwards, he stepped back from the full length mirror to admire his ensemble.

“Damn, I look gooood,” he crowed with a satisfied grin. “Wait.” His pants zipper was down. Shit. Good thing he noticed that. 

He walked over to his bed and rummaged through the drawer beneath. Ah, there was his trusty Blood Berry. Couldn't go anywhere without it. The last time he left without his beam katana nearly ended in him getting bludgeoned with a ham at the grocery store.

After clipping his katana to his belt, he turned to his bedside table and stared at it, contemplating. Finally, he pulled open the drawer and pulled out a box, still sealed. Foil wrapper crinkled as he slid a condom into his jacket pocket. Maybe he was getting his hopes up but better safe than sorry.

Almost a half hour later, Travis rolled up to the address she had given him. It was a moderate sized home, which would’ve looked nicer had the grass not been severely overgrown. It lacked any outdoor decor, save for a single patio chair and an ashtray resting on the stairway railing, filled with cigarette butts. But who was Travis to judge, when he himself lived in a shitty ass motel room. He knocked on the door.

A few moments went by before the door opened. The woman who appeared from behind looked just as stunning as in her photos, maybe even more so. Her long blonde hair was curled and pulled back into a half ponytail. Heavy smoky makeup adorned her eyelids, making her gaze look even more sultry. Travis’s eyes were drawn to her tight red bodycon dress that hugged her in all the right places. He tried not to glance too long for fear of being disrespectful, but _man_ , if he wasn’t dreaming about the moment he could squeeze those ti-

“Took you long enough,” Charlotte snapped, drawing Travis out of his trance. He ignored the fact that he was exactly on time and also that he had been standing out here waiting for the past few minutes.

Travis whistled. “Damn, you’re smokin’.” He admired her one last time. “You ready to head out?”

Charlotte looked past him to the driveway, eyeing the big ass motorcycle. “You’re joking. That’s what you drove here?” She asked, looking exasperated. 

“My bike? Oh, yeah. Pretty sweet, huh?” 

She narrowed her eyes. “My hair’s going to get ruined,” she pouted.

Travis perked up. “Oh! Don’t worry. I got something that’ll protect you from the wind.” He walked to the trunk of his bike and pulled out a helmet. He held it out to her proudly.

Was this man an idiot? Had he never heard the phrase ‘helmet hair’ hair before? With a sigh, she yanked the helmet from his hands. Travis hiked one leg over the bike and hopped on. He patted the seat behind him, motioning her to follow suit.

“Just hold onto my waist, yeah?” He instructed after she climbed on. Her thighs brushed against his. They looked so silky in the sheer black tights that she wore. How they cut off at the midsection of her thigh and exposed a thin stripe of smooth skin below her dress. Oh, how he wanted to run his hand down along one. 

In the close proximity he could smell her perfume swirl around him, smelling like warm vanilla with a hint of cinnamon. The combination of the scent and visuals were driving him wild. He was suddenly thankful that he was sitting behind her and not in front. God, that would be embarrassing. Travis Touchdown? More like Travis Can’t Keep His Dick Down….

The ride went fairly smooth as they rode in silence. It was futile to try to have a conversation with the wind rippling. The only bump in the road was when they hit a literal bump in the road. As they hit the bump, Charlotte’s grip slipped from Travis’ waist to his crotch. Fuck. Her hand lingered longer than he thought was normal for an accidental slip. Just then, she gripped him firmly.

“Shit!” It took every ounce of him to bite back a moan. 

“Oops, sorry!” She yelled over the wind. He swore he could feel her laughing against his back. Her hand stayed there a brief moment longer before finally returning to his waist.

——

As they pulled up to the restaurant, he couldn’t help but feel a little underdressed. I mean, they had their own mini waterfall outside! Gold letters spelled out the name “Gustosi Ravioli” against a stone background.

“Ah, so it’s an Italian place,” Travis noted aloud.

“The best around. You like Italian, right?” Charlotte linked her arm around Travis’ and guided them to the entrance.

“Oui,” he grinned, trying to sound cool. Charlotte groaned inwardly. Boy, was she in for a long night.

——

After they had been seated and ordered their food, Travis sat there, nervously fidgeting. He realized he didn’t know what to talk about on dates…. or how to talk to women at all…. Don’t talk about the weather don’t talk about the weather.

“So, uh, lovely weather we’re having, yeah?” Oh my god.

Charlotte just rolled her eyes. “It’s hot as fuck. Like it always is.” Then, she looked at him and smiled pitifully. “You’re nervous. That’s cute. I bet you’ve never been on a date with a girl before.”

Travis only blushed in response, not meeting her gaze. Was it really that obvious? Also, was it just him or did it feel like she was mocking him?

Suddenly, he felt a hand placed on his knee and nearly jumped. The hand inched its way upwards then rested on his thigh.

“Cmon, what do you wanna know about me? Ask me anything.” 

Travis quickly shot out the question he’d been thinking since her earlier text. “Do you have a cat?”

Charlotte smiled devilishly. “Nope.”

_Oh._

The night continued on like that. Travis asking Charlotte questions and learning a bit about her, piece by piece. He learned that she had a mouth on her, regularly dropping f-bombs in the middle of the upscale restaurant. Not that he minded. A woman who wasn’t afraid to swear was sexy to him. Charlotte didn’t seem interested in asking Travis any questions about himself. That is, until halfway through dinner when she brought up his line of work.

“The UAA, huh? You kill a lot of people?”

Travis nearly choked on his chicken marsala at the abrupt questioning. Sure, he had put it in his bio, but he wasn’t exactly expecting her to just ask it so directly like that.

“Yeah.”

Charlotte suddenly looked more interested in the man before her. “Really? That’s hot.”

Travis straightened up in his seat. “Yeah? You think so?”

“Fuck yeah. That just means you’re super strong, right?”

His voice rose with excitement, his fist pounding the table and making the silverware clank. “Yeah! And I’m gonna be the strongest motherfucker in Santa Destroy once I kill the 5 bastards in front of me and become number one!”

All the tables surrounding them were now looking at him, horrified. Charlotte grinned. Is that so...

——

After dinner, they rode back to Charlotte’s place. He was thankful for the ride to be over as he didn’t know how much more he could take of Charlotte’s teasing, petting his thigh and running her hands under his shirt hem, before he surely caused a collision. 

“Man, didn’t they teach you the dangers of distracted driving in school?” Travis (mostly) joked after he had dismounted the bike.

“Oh, come on. Life’s more fun with a little danger. Isn’t that why you do what you do?” Charlotte had already hopped off and was heading up the driveway. When she got to the front door, she whipped around. “Are you coming or what?” She snapped.

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit. It was actually happening. “C-coming!” He cried and practically sprinted to the door.

The outside of the house gave no indication of what the inside held, but he wasn’t expecting this. All the furniture looked like it hadn’t been replaced in the last 20 years. The couch had definitely seen its better days, a giant impression permanently formed in one of the cushions. Someone certainly sat there regularly. Beer cans littered the house. Some on the table, the tv stand; most overflowing from the trash can and spilling onto the floor. Posters of baseball players were framed along the walls.

“You live alone?” Travis rolled a beer can out of his path with his shoe. 

“Nah. I live with my daddy.” 

“D-daddy?” His heart skipped a beat. Daddy had two possible meanings and, ultimately, either of them were not good. Both of them meant that a man could walk in at any time and be ready to beat his ass.

“Ugh, don’t be a pervert. I meant my dad! But we don’t have to worry about him. He’s out for the night.. on a job.”

“Oh, cool.” With that, Travis eased up a little. He decided to go for a bold move and slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

Charlotte chuckled. “You’re so fucking horny, aren’t you?”

Travis kissed her forehead. “How could I not be when a woman as sexy as you is in front of me?” His hand slid down to the hem of her dress, eager to pull it up.

“Not here. In the bedroom.”

He lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around him. “Show me the way.”

He quickly navigated to her room. At least this room was a bit neater, despite some clothes strewn around the room. Everything was pink and bubbly, like she had had her room this way since she was a young girl. But Travis didn’t really care to inspect the room that well. He was much more interested in inspecting the woman in his arms. When he finally made it to the bed, he pushed her onto it with a little more force than he’d been meaning to. However, she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to enjoy it, judging by the surprised look on her face that was followed by a knowing smirk.

“I should’ve known you liked it rough.” Her hand reached out and grabbed the front of his jeans. He was already hard.

“You wanna fuck me so bad, don’t you?”

Travis leaned back so that he could pull off his jacket and shirt. “And I’d say you want me to fuck you just as bad.”

He sure was getting cocky now, wasn’t he. She pressed further. “Oh yeah? And what makes you say that?”

“You’ve been teasing me all night.”

“Oh, you caught on? And here I thought you wouldn’t notice.”

“So naughty~” Travis purred.

Charlotte could barely contain her shit-eating grin. “I guess you could say I’m a _bad girl._ ” 

“Dinner was good, but dessert’s about to be even better.”

“Just wait til you taste _me.”_

Travis shuddered. He was starting to wonder if he had possibly died in the last fight and was actually in Heaven, because this was feeling like a fantasy of his.

Although he hadn’t been expecting _t_ _his_ little twist in his fantasy.

“Get off.”

“Huh?”

Charlotte shoved him off of her. He stood up from the bed, awkwardly. What the hell was going on?

“Take off your pants.” He did as he was told. Then, she scooted over and patted the spot beside her. “Lay down.” Once again, he followed her orders.

Once he laid down, she climbed on top of him and straddled his hips. _Oh fuck_ , there was so little material between their crotches, which were now pressed together. 

“I’m in charge here.” She warned, rolling her hips.

“Fuck! Yes, ma’am,” he grinned blissfully. “I’m all yours.”

“Hmph.” She could agree with that. Travis Touchdown was about to be hers in a way that nobody else could have. Just not in the way he thought. “Hold on, there’s something I need.”

“Oh, a condom? I have one in my jack-“ He was shushed by a manicured finger to his lips. 

She reached over to her bedside table and shuffled through the drawers. As Travis peeked over out of curiosity, he spotted a pink vibrator wand. And were those handcuffs she just had in her hand? Was this about to be his introduction to BDSM?? Somehow, he didn’t think he’d get to be the dominant one.

Finally, she seemingly found what she was looking for. In her hands was a black blindfold. She looked down at him with a smile.

Travis bit his lip. “I didn’t expect you to be so kinky. A nice surprise, though.”

“I’m full of nice surprises.” She leaned forward to tie his blindfold. “Lift your head.”

He did as he was told. Her breasts were almost close enough to touch his face. God, what a view.

“You know, I’m kinda bummed I’m gonna miss out on seeing this hot action.” I mean, this _was_ his first time getting laid. He kinda wanted to experience _all_ of the senses. Except the sixth sense. No ghosts in this fuck, please. Unless the ghost was just as hot…..

“Oh trust me. You’ll _f_ _eel_ it alright.”

Those words were enough to make him twitch in his pants. Eh, who needs eyes anyways??

After the blindfold was secured, he laid his head back against the pillow. Not gonna lie, he was a little nervous. What was he supposed to do? Just lay there? He felt kinda bad leaving her to do all the work.

“I, uh. Should I be doing anything?” Travis asked.

“Why don’t you touch yourself? Make sure you’re extra hard for me, baby,” she said sweetly. However, her next words had an edge to them. “But you better not cum.”

Travis obeyed and slid a hand into his boxers. “Ohh, but I’m already packing heat, baby!”

“Just from thinking about me?” She asked. He nodded his head in response, already a little breathless. “Good. I’ve got another surprise for you. I’ll go get it.”

Another surprise? What else could there be? He was really hoping it wasn’t a strap-on. Not that he was opposed to the idea, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for butt stuff yet. Aren’t you supposed to ease into that? Although he _was_ blindfolded in the bed of a woman he had only met hours ago. 

It’s crazy how the blindfold heightened his other senses. Touching himself felt twice as good (although there were many factors he thought he could thank for that). Sound was heightened, too. Hyper aware, he could hear Charlotte enter the room from her footsteps, heard them growing closer until she was hovering over the bed.

It was because of this hyper-hearing that he also happened to hear something whizzing toward him. He quickly rolled over, just in the nick of time, too. A giant _thwack_ hit the pillow, centimeters from his head.

“Fuck.”

Already having leapt from the bed, Travis ripped off the blindfold. 

“What the fuck?!”

Charlotte stood before him, wooden bat in hand, in position to swing again.

“Did you really think I’d fuck you, Travis Touchdown?” 

“Well, I… kinda, yeah??” Travis admitted shamefully. He knew it was too good to be true, the hot chick wanting to bone him. But he didn’t get why she went through all this trouble.

“Then why-“

“I wanted to kill you, you stupid jackass. I’m an assassin, same as you.”

“Are you serious?! What rank are you? You know this isn’t an official UAA match, right?”

“I’m second ranked, bitch!” She bragged. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m above you in rank. I just knew you’d come for me eventually, with the way you’re pathetically trying to climb up the ranks, so I figured I’d eliminate the competition early.”

Now Travis was slightly more aware of his situation, and fuming.

“Pathetic? Jumping from 11th to 6th in a matter of days doesn’t sound pathetic to me.” He snatched his pants off the ground so he could unclip his katana.

“Hm, you’ve got some balls, I’ll give you that.” She frowned. “But how stupid do you have to be to put your ranking on your Tinder account?!” She charged forward, swinging the bat at his head. He barely turned on the beam of his katana in time to deflect the hit. 

Okay, maybe that was pretty stupid on his part. In fact, he was starting to feel stupid about a _lot_ of things that night. One of those things was still standing full mast in his boxers.

He was finding it pretty difficult to maneuver around the room with this obstacle in his way. He had never been hard during a fight (at least not this hard…) and every time he twisted or turned, the damn thing got in the way! Please, boner, go away! Think about something super unsexy, like, I don’t know, your dead parents or something.

Travis deflected another hit, sword and bat clashing. He held his sword up and used it to push her backwards until she was pinned up against a dresser. He’d had enough of her little games.

“You take joy in making men get off to you?” He spat through gritted teeth.

She laughed bitterly. “I don’t _make_ them do shit. They do it on their own. Isn’t that so funny?”

“So you’re just some kinda perverted, narcissistic bitch, then. Is that it?”

“Like you’re not the same, asswipe.” She kneed him in the groin. _Fuck_ , that hurt. “Your self-righteous goal of being number one, killing everyone who stands in your way. Who’s the _real_ perverted narcissist?”

Damn it, she had a point. But he wasn’t like her, he was _different._ “Yeah, well, at least I go about things the honorable way. Official, consensual matches. Sparing the weak. I want to do this shit the right way.”

“ _Right_ way? Don’t make me laugh!” She went to do so but was stopped by a katana being pressed against her throat. “Do it, you fucking coward.”

Travis’ eyebrows furrowed. Then, he clicked his katana beam off and stepped back. Not taking his eyes off of Charlotte, he grabbed his jeans and stepped into them. He continued putting on his clothes, one piece at a time.

Charlotte never took her eyes off of him, either. She looked like a feral animal, defensively on the prowl. Ready to attack if needed. Hands clutched her bat, knuckles white from her iron grip.

Sliding on his sunglasses, he finished getting dressed. He clipped his katana to his belt, a final gesture of peace. As he walked to the bedroom doorway, he was stopped by Charlotte calling out to him.

“Just so you know. There’s nothing honorable about walking away from this, from sparing me. You’re still a murderous prick and no ‘honor’ is gonna change that, shit lips. Now get the _f_ _uck_ out of my house.”

“...See ya in a couple days, Charlotte.” 

————

11:52 pm

 **Shinobu** : soooo how was ur date? :o

 **Travis** : don’t even get me fucking started

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I played NMH1+2 for the first time a couple weeks ago and immediately fell in love with Travis' horny ass. I hope I did him justice! 
> 
> I couldn't think of title so Bad Boy by Cascada it is


End file.
